PEARLS OF WISDOM
IT’S A CONSPIRACY. It has to be, there’s no other explanation. We are now in July, another year half gone. But where has it disappeared to? Have you noticed how the years are racing by at an ever-increasing rate of knots? And the momentum is building; blink your eyes and another year has ticked by.
Is this a problem? Hell, yes, – it means we are rapidly approaching ‘the Twilight Zone.’ Forget any mid-life crisis scenario, I must have slept through that. Wait, a little voice is whispering in my ear. “Your midlife crisis was when you caught the writing bug.” Okay, I might have received the calling a little late, but that was no crisis.
Maybe the Twilight Zone isn’t as scary as it sounds. I recall a 90-year-old billionaire marrying a gorgeous twenty-something-year-old girl. And what about Hugh Hefner who exemplified ‘you are only as old as you feel.’ Unfortunately, I might have an issue, my bank balance looks decidedly dismal compared to those two. A couple of quotes spring to mind.
‘Money can’t buy you happiness.’ Really? I’d put money on – it sure would make being miserable a lot more pleasant.
And when a billionaire was asked how having money had impacted on his life, he replied. “Money’s not important unless of course, you don’t have any.”
I’ve just thought of a solution to my financial dilemma. I need to sell a million or so books. Let’s start with you! About now I should add a link to my books, but I don’t want you wandering off and missing the following ‘pearls of wisdom.’
We still have our galloping time issue. Someone is fiddling with the clock. Who do I blame? Donald Trump? Vladimir Putin? Or is it the little rocket man, Kim Jong Somebody? The three unlikely bedfellows appear to have formed an unnatural mutual admiration clique. Very scary.
HEALTH is always in many people’s minds. Maybe it’s their fruitless search for eternal youth. Another quote springs to mind – some Indian Guru. ‘Life is a terminal disease.’ There is a plethora of conflicting information or should that read misinformation. Eat this and it will cause cancer, or heart disease or maybe diabetes. Or if it manages to get the tick of approval and is good for your heart you can bet your bottom dollar it will be cacogenic.
I’m no expert but my conclusion is if something tastes good some killjoy posing as an informed expert will decide it is bad for your health. I even heard ice cream and chocolate should be avoided or consumption limited. That’s bordering on blasphemy. And I suspect the health benefits attributed to vegetables such as broccoli and kale is just another malicious fallacy perpetrated by persons with a sadistic personality.
BUT the real issue I have is the rampant changes being imposed on us especially those IT related. Imagine our grandparents or great-grandparents being dropped into today’s world. They would think they had landed on another planet. This leads me to recall an article I wrote for a local publication – they had a gap to fill.
TECHNOLOGY MELTDOWN
In this modern age of digital devices, many of our Senior Citizens and even many waiting in the wings to join this illustrious group suffer from technology overload. Perhaps that’s a generous assessment. We’ve all heard of kids suffering from A.D.D. (attention deficit disorder), but have you heard of T.D.D. (technology deficit disorder)? And it’s not limited exclusively to those who qualify for Grey Power membership even if they are over-represented.
You’ve probably heard the saying ‘you can’t teach an old dog new tricks.’ Not true, yes you can, it just takes many hours of repetitive schooling, and bucket loads of patience. Unfortunately, after numerous years of absorbing all manner of important facts, practices, and information our senior citizen’s memory banks are full to overflowing and retaining any new technology becomes challenging. Their hard drives are in serious danger of meltdown and refresher courses have become essential. Most of our Senior Citizens have conquered emails and internet banking, they have even embraced smartphones and I Pads, albeit with a few hiccups along the way. But just as they are smugly congratulating themselves on how technically savvy they are, some damned smart young geek comes up with some new undecipherable product which performs some nondescript activity that most ‘normal’ people had never dreamt of.
If all this hasn’t triggered high blood pressure don’t forget that everything you now do on the ‘Net’ requires a password. You are advised to change your password regularly and never, never write it down. The IT whizz kids have obviously never suffered from M.R.D. Yes, that’s a new one – memory retention disorder. We can all understand the necessity of passwords for internet banking and maybe accounts where we make online purchases, but the password requirement is everywhere. Anyone wishing to hack my telco or electricity account is welcome to my password. It’s ‘STUPID,’ while you’re there you may as well make a payment!
To solve the password retention problem, you could follow some basic simple rules. Yes, you could use ‘INCORRECT’ as your password, that way when you enter a password the prompt will read your password is ‘incorrect.’ To simplify the issue what springs to mind when you ask yourself the question ‘what’s my damned password?’ An option might be ‘cantremember,’ or simply ‘Iforget,’ but why not ‘forgotten?’ Invariably under the log in box, there is a message – forgotten your password.
Visit the author’s website for info, updates and a special FREEBIE deal. Website
AND don’t forget Electric Eclectic: A showcase of short novella showcasing the writing prowess of selected authors. Plus competions and so much more.
THE HOLY GRAIL OF PUBLISHING
The Holy Grail of publishing: This is for you writers.
You’ve written your novel, stood back and said to yourself. ”That’s good, better than good, it’s brilliant.” My advice, get some unbiased second opinions. I remember doing a critique of an author’s manuscript, it was on a site where authors help authors. The author’s accompanying message said, ‘don’t tell me to change anything, I’m happy with my story, I’m publishing it as is.’ It was a sort of a warning – do not criticise.
I replied, ‘yes the story is fine, but I think you should look at …blah blah blah.’ A diplomatic response.
Guess what? She agreed with me and said she was rewriting those pieces.
The message is;
STEP ONE, write your best work possible, listen to beta readers, add a great cover and use a proofreader. But you knew that, didn’t you?
Indie authors have in the past suffered criticism from the traditional publishers.’ The books are substandard, littered with mistakes.’ Sometimes this criticism has been justified. A poorly written and compiled book damages not only the writer’s reputation but indirectly all Indie writers.
STEP TWO, marketing. Now the situation becomes murky, we are authors, right? Not marketers. This is where we all (myself included), stumble, flounder and often fall off the wagon. We publish on all the e sites, blog, tweet, post on Facebook ‘my new masterpiece has just been released.’ No worries Amazon will sell my book, after all its brilliant. It’s just a matter of time – the cream always rises to the top. Right? Wrong. Amazon is a search engine that just happens to sell books amongst other things. Who is going notice my book amongst the three million plus titles? To get noticed, to sell books we have to delve into the unknown and attempt to master the dreaded marketing hoodoo.
There are numerous books and coaches offering their services, for a price of course. I read all the advice I can lay my hands on. A common theme seems to be to build a fan base of readers, you now have their email contact, you can feed them some scintillating offers to purchase your books. The only problem is enticing a prospective reader to give you their contact. The use of free books as a carrot is very popular. Everyone is doing it – ‘the reader will sample my work and want to buy more. At the very least they will leave a review.’ Read Paul White’s blog on the pitfalls of this approach. It no longer works. It is self-defeating and harms all Indie authors. We all like a bargain – why pay for a book when the eBook sites are littered with freebies.
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OR IS IT A LOST CAUSE? Maybe we are doing it all wrong. Nick Stephensen ‘Your first 10,000 readers’ is adamant. Freebies do work IF you do it right. Very few writers are.
WE all enjoy a good read but how do you decide on your next book when the market is flooded with titles? Sorting through a multitude of dare I say sub-standard offerings is a time consuming daunting prospect. The answer is Electric Eclectic. A special site showcasing a select group of authors writing prowess – all are short novelettes in a multitude of different genres. JOB DONE.
WHAT IF?
Has it ever crossed your mind, ‘I wish I was a little smarter?’ Wouldn’t it be great to have an IQ like an Albert Einstein? You could be a rocket scientist, or maybe a commuter whiz who has just developed a new APP which is taking the world by storm. Imagine sitting back in a deck chair on some sun-soaked tropical beach sipping on a Pina colada. And the best part, money keeps pouring into your bank account and you don’t even have to lift a finger. Okay, maybe occasionally to have another sip of your delicious drink.
If this sedentary lifestyle doesn’t suit, what about a more challenging career choice. You could be a medical researcher who has just discovered an earth-shattering new medical cure. Your peers would gaze at you with an unabashed reverence. Your name has been shortlisted to receive a Nobel prize for services to medical science.
STOP, wait, hold it. Be very careful what you wish for. Brilliance is only a whisker away from INSANITY.
Now, what if I told you I can be all of the above, and achieved with my only mediocre IQ. Yes, that’s right, I’m serious, I’m a writer. I can conjure up any number of mouthwatering scenarios. The only limitation is my imagination. I can be transported into a magical mysterious world with a few clicks on my keyboard. But I’m a generous person and don’t want to keep all this for myself, you are welcome to share my adventure. https://www.iangwelch.com/
Have you taken a peek at Electric Eclectic? There’s something for everyone, talented authors showcasing their wares in a variety of genres. Click on the emblem. Exciting things are happening.
Ian G Welch 